My Anger
September 26, 2007
I have come to a new stage in my relationship to my anger against women, and I’ve come to admire a facet of the bravery of foolish men.
Before I continue, I’ll address some concerns and knee-jerk reactions that this post may trigger.
Yes – I have anger against women. I’m not going lie to myself about it. This anger is nuanced. It is not a broad misogynistic rage. I honestly respect women and love the women in my life.
But I’m not going to deny I’m human. And as a human I have demons that I’ve constantly wrestled with. Anger is one of them.
Also, I believe that making broad generalisations is acceptable. In fact, it’s unwise to be prejudiced against making broad generalisations just because they don’t always work. They are often appropriate.
Having said that, my generalisations in this article are broad, but bounded. I’m talking about something specific. I’m not talking about all women. I’m merely talking about a lot of women and a particulair activity they engage in.
One particulair popular book on seduction authored by Wayne Elise has a message early on. Before you begin to establish connections of quality with women that you wish to seduce, you must be honest to yourself that you may have anger. He advises addressing that anger. Failing to do so diminishes ones effectiveness when seeking to create sexual connections.
That is but a tiny part of the vast amount of genuine wisdom that the seduction community holds.
Now I’ll continue and explain why I should accept my anger against women.
You go out to the city on a busy night. A weekend night. The night air carries the twin flavours of excitement and dissapointed sadness. You see groups of girls dressed up. They move in pairs or throngs, moving from club to club, exuding a combination of high-energy excitedness and nervousness. They move in a wake of musical laughter and perfume. They are sexy and they know it. Their choice of clothes gives lends them a glamour that they will have at no other time in their lives save their wedding day. Think about that.
They will only ever look this good on their wedding day. They are out to “have fun” with a deliberate excercise of sexual power in this old metropolitan ritual.
But every young guy who has ever tried to talk to a pretty girl knows that there is an unspoken dark side to most of the groups that move like this. Some strange logic has ever been at work. It dictates that these women who are deliberatly dressed for allure will treat the average guy with casual and abject cruelty. There are laws at play here that seem to defy explication. The girlish ritual has paradoxical boundaries. What are they? Can the rules be discovered without cruel reproach?
I think I’ve figured out some of the unspoken elements of the ritual.
First of all, girls in such a group code their intentions to each other. They are indeed venturing forth to amuse themselves. Part of this amusement resided in excersing their sexual power. This can be fulfilled by treating guys like the worst form of dirt. Most every guy has been through this. I know that every guy I know has. And it happens time and time again. A guy will try to make polite and spontaneous conversation with a woman that he deems attractive, only to be treated as if were an unworthy opponent on the territory of a rabid dog. A savaging is in order.
Guys lucky enough to have discovered the seduction community quickly learn that there are ways to open real communication with women. They recieve this new information with mixed feeling. On one hand, it’s better to be spontaneous and genuine. We want to be ourselves. On the other hand, “being ourselves” doesn’t really mean what it purports to. And when it comes down to establishing nourishing relationships or even exchanging positive energy, there is an extent to which the ends justifies the means.
We’d rather use what works rather then submit to cryptic, unreliable and paradoxical “common sense”.
The smarter of those guys find great relief. Knowing that we are not completely at fault here comes as a great relief and we can take a lot of pressure off ourselves. We can can concentrate our energy on improving our own technique, personality and identity, while knowing that:
“Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is like expecting a bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.”
Thats a quote from Fritz Perls. He wrote a lot of good stuff about truth and control.
At the moment I’m ok with being angry at women. I’m really talking some women here, and not women in general. But I’m also talking about being angry at a personality tendency that all women have, and many excercise regularly.
When I see people being treated unfairly, I get angry. And I’m ok with that.
When I see women treat guys that they don’t know with cruelty and spite, I feel bileously angry. I’m ok with that.
When I see some guy I don’t know face his internal demons and put his self-esteem on the line in order to begin a conversation with a woman that he find attractive, and the women reacts with casual spite, I find her repulsive.
Sure, it’s ok to refuse conversation with anybody. But cruelty should be reserved for those who deserve it.
On the other hand, when I see the courage of the average nice guy, who chooses to gird his loins and go talk to a girl in the face of the fear of being punished for it, I feel inspired. Especially when the guy isn’t from the community and he doesn’t have a clue.
In that case, it’s obvious that the guy has done this time and time again, and he’s most probably been rejected nine out of ten times. Hell, even slick community guys get regularly rejected. Only we know that it’s worth it, because success is right aruond the corner. Non-players? They don’t have that assurance. But they keep playing the game without knowing the rules.
It actually gives me faith in people to see that happen: A guy has been punished time and time again. But he knows that he wants something. The conditions for him getting what he wants – a good conversation, a goodnight kiss – are impossible to determine. And he’s been rejected repeatedly. He doesn’t even know if their are conditions for success. He has every reason to believe that he will fail again and his self-esteem will be hammered. But he goes for it anyway.
Thats courage. And I respect courage.
Blogged with Flock
Hey, great post.
One thing which stood out for me was the bit about “being yourself” and the conflict between being spontaneous, and sticking to a game plan.
I’ve often found that when these proper-hot chicks are out, none of them are being themselves. Meet up with them in the day time 1-1 and they’ll be nervous, shy, and probably showing massively low self esteem.
It’s not an unspoken or unknown knowledge that of which you have brought to light. I can’t speak for all of my male friends, but it’s been a studied ritual from our aspects as well. We definitely notice the groups of “fakes” as we call them, but among these groups, a diamond in the rough has been found. A “girl-next-door” type, so to speak. I think there’s a lot more to it than you lead to believe. It might be due your intolerance and hatred of this type that blinds you from what truly lies beneath the temporary superficial exterior, it might be from a personal experience you have endured, it might even be that you are speaking from experience yourself and unanticipated an unforeseen pinnacle in your life where you find yourself alone. I understand how you could come to the conclusion that most of these girls are insecure by them having put on such a fallacious character and surrounding themselves with an entourage, but some of them are seriously conceited and insecurity has no meaning to them. My guy friends and I have noticed a tendency that these same girls unaccompanied by their entourage will act in an entirely unparalleled manner, with the exception of the extremely conceited ones. It is by this measure we don’t approach a group of women like this unless with-in a group as well. Unfortunately, we don’t always fly with a wingman or a group and it is an inescapable certainty we will be rejected purely due to a lack in experience to present a motive to interact. We all know at some point we will be rejected, but we don’t wear it on our sleeves, just like most women don’t. I’m not saying we don’t fear rejection, but this natural and primitive (sexual) instinct you speak of takes over and blinds us from black and white. It’s not a matter of courage or bravery. It’s simply whether or not we are self-confident in our actions and ultimately self-assured in ourselves, and with that, rejection is superfluous. Unfortunately those who put on such a Façade, put themselves in a predicament where they can’t act genuinely, or otherwise be in fear of adverse judgment from their peers. So I’m not quite sure, who exactly I would feel more sorry for: the inexperienced boy being rejected and gaining knowledge by such rejection or the girl hiding from herself rejecting the boy gaining nothing but the illusion of power. That’s not power, it’s just a feeling of conceitedness triggered by a socialistic ideal of what is expected of her. This in-turn brings the ambition of my reply to its culmination. This senseless behavior has been taking place for sometime and is progressively deteriorating and hindering our abilities to socially interact and be genuine. No wonder there are so many dating sites, where else can we truly be ourselves without reservations about what our peers think. I will have to agree with you to the extent that such a reaction to a guy (or girl, not that it happens as often) earnestly trying to simply make conversation and being spitefully rejected is not only uncalled for, but also destructive to the very purpose of this ritual to flaunt such a power.
”Be fit for more than the thing you are now doing. Let everyone know that you have a reserve in yourself; that you have more power than you are now using. If you are not too large for the place you occupy, you are too small for it.”
~ James A. Garfield