My Anger

I have come to a new stage in my relationship to my anger against women, and I’ve come to admire a facet of the bravery of foolish men.

Before I continue, I’ll address some concerns and knee-jerk reactions that this post may trigger.
Yes – I have anger against women. I’m not going lie to myself about it. This anger is nuanced. It is not a broad misogynistic rage. I honestly respect women and love the women in my life.
But I’m not going to deny I’m human. And as a human I have demons that I’ve constantly wrestled with. Anger is one of them.
Also, I believe that making broad generalisations is acceptable. In fact, it’s unwise to be prejudiced against making broad generalisations just because they don’t always work. They are often appropriate.
Having said that, my generalisations in this article are broad, but bounded. I’m talking about something specific. I’m not talking about all women. I’m merely talking about a lot of women and a particulair activity they engage in.

One particulair popular book on seduction authored by Wayne Elise has a message early on. Before you begin to establish connections of quality with women that you wish to seduce, you must be honest to yourself that you may have anger. He advises addressing that anger. Failing to do so diminishes ones effectiveness when seeking to create sexual connections.
That is but a tiny part of the vast amount of genuine wisdom that the seduction community holds.

Now I’ll continue and explain why I should accept my anger against women.

You go out to the city on a busy night. A weekend night. The night air carries the twin flavours of excitement and dissapointed sadness. You see groups of girls dressed up. They move in pairs or throngs, moving from club to club, exuding a combination of high-energy excitedness and nervousness. They move in a wake of musical laughter and perfume. They are sexy and they know it. Their choice of clothes gives lends them a glamour that they will have at no other time in their lives save their wedding day. Think about that.
They will only ever look this good on their wedding day. They are out to “have fun” with a deliberate excercise of sexual power in this old metropolitan ritual.

But every young guy who has ever tried to talk to a pretty girl knows that there is an unspoken dark side to most of the groups that move like this. Some strange logic has ever been at work. It dictates that these women who are deliberatly dressed for allure will treat the average guy with casual and abject cruelty. There are laws at play here that seem to defy explication. The girlish ritual has paradoxical boundaries. What are they? Can the rules be discovered without cruel reproach?

I think I’ve figured out some of the unspoken elements of the ritual.

First of all, girls in such a group code their intentions to each other. They are indeed venturing forth to amuse themselves. Part of this amusement resided in excersing their sexual power. This can be fulfilled by treating guys like the worst form of dirt. Most every guy has been through this. I know that every guy I know has. And it happens time and time again. A guy will try to make polite  and spontaneous conversation with a woman that he deems attractive, only to be treated as if were an unworthy opponent on the territory of a rabid dog. A savaging is in order.

Guys lucky enough to have discovered the seduction community  quickly learn that there are ways to open real communication with women. They recieve this new information with mixed feeling. On one hand, it’s better to be spontaneous and genuine. We want to be ourselves. On the other hand, “being ourselves” doesn’t really mean what it purports to. And when it comes down to establishing nourishing relationships or even exchanging positive energy, there is an extent to which the ends justifies the means.
We’d rather use what works rather then submit to cryptic, unreliable and paradoxical “common sense”.

The smarter of those guys find great relief. Knowing that we are not completely at fault here comes as a great relief and we can take a lot of pressure off ourselves. We can can concentrate our energy on improving our own technique, personality and identity, while knowing that:

“Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is like expecting a bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.”

Thats a quote from Fritz Perls. He wrote a lot of good stuff about truth and control.

At the moment I’m ok with being angry at women. I’m really talking some women here, and not women in general. But I’m also talking about being angry at a personality tendency that all women have, and many excercise regularly.

When I see people being treated unfairly, I get angry. And I’m ok with that.
When I see women treat guys that they don’t know with cruelty and spite, I feel bileously angry. I’m ok with that.
When I see some guy I don’t know face his internal demons and put his self-esteem on the line in order to begin a conversation with a woman that he find attractive, and the women reacts with casual spite, I find her repulsive.
Sure, it’s ok to refuse conversation with anybody. But cruelty should be reserved for those who deserve it.

On the other hand, when I see the courage of the average nice guy, who chooses to gird his loins and go talk to a girl in the face of the fear of being punished for it, I feel inspired. Especially when the guy isn’t from the community and he doesn’t have a clue.
In that case, it’s obvious that the guy has done this time and time again, and he’s most probably been rejected nine out of ten times. Hell, even slick community guys get regularly rejected. Only we know that it’s worth it, because success is right aruond the corner. Non-players? They don’t have that assurance. But they keep playing the game without knowing the rules.

It actually gives me faith in people to see that happen: A guy has been punished time and time again. But he knows that he wants something. The conditions for him getting what he wants – a good conversation, a goodnight kiss – are impossible to determine. And he’s been rejected repeatedly. He doesn’t even know if their are conditions for success. He has every reason to believe that he will fail again and his self-esteem will be hammered. But he goes for it anyway.

Thats courage. And I respect courage.

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Discovery One: Destroying The Illusion

I’ve made two personal discoveries, both of which I believe can contribute greatly to students of seduction. They came to me at the same time. They are both ideas that are worthy of further exploration from those who spend time thinking on such matters.

Discovery the first:

Seduction is easy. The difficulty lies in destroying the illusion that seduction is not easy.

Seduction is the easiest thing in the world to do. It is a simple process that requires no learning. The ability to seduce is innate. It is not something that outside oneself, requiring learning from books, videos and seminars. Rather, it is built into our very biology. The circuitry has been place your whole life.

The reason why “naturals”, men who have always been able to seduce with ease find it difficult and frustrating to teach others what they themselves are doing, is because that which they are doing is indeed natural.

Those who teach often refer to their progams and methods as providing “training  wheels”, a framework from which to build success. I see that they do something else. They are providing a push-start. Rather then encouraging learners to follow a process, teachers should instead focus on waking up the innate, natural instincts of the learner.

There are many advantages to the student for this “kickstart” approach. The student will know that they are not reliant on techniques or process. They won’t have to worry about memorising routines.  They will know that they are not relying on outside information. And thus, their natural instincts will kick in sooner.

On Destroying The Illusion.

Every species has a courtship ritual. A mating dance. The ritual for our species may not be entirely mapped out yet, but enough of it is known that it can be said it exists. Bizarrely enough, the courtship process of our species as a whole is something that has not been studied by science. Anthropology has examined mating as constrained by the bounds of culture, and biology and psychology have examined discreet aspects of the whole. But that whole has remained outside of any academic field of study.

However, from what little we know, we can see that the human mating dance does have a structure that transcends the boundaries of culture. And enough of that structure is known for we men to be able to initiate the mating dance, and to take our desired partner or partners through to consumation.

If you are a man who is learning to effectively communicate with women in order to fill the need for physical love in your life, then learning that structure might be very helpful. It certainly has been for me.

But there come a time when abandoning your mental maps will help you navigate the territory more effectively.

Rather than learning the map in more detail, simply forget it. Get rid of your ideas of process and “the seduction state-machine”. Your body already knows how to tell whether a woman wants you, how much she wants you, and how far she is willing to go at any moment in time. All you have to do is wake up that ability. Throw away your books on body language, and consult your own instinct instead. It has served your forebears for hundreds of thousands of years. You just need to learn to listen to that  system. And you can certainly trust your own genetic programming better than any book.

One way to begin activate that system is as follows. Go out on your own to a club or a bar. Spend time watching the body language of the individuals in the groups around you. Pay particulair attention to how the women react to the men. Consider what the women are telling the men with the movements of their bodies.

Another way is to make eye contact with women in the street. Make different kinds of eye contact. Deliberately look into their souls. Merely glance at the surface of their eyes. See how they react to you.

Try different things.

When approaching women, pay attention to what she is saying with her body. But, in all these things, don’t try to intellectuallize what it is that you are seeing. What your intellect observes is of no consequence. It is your mating mind that matters. The deep, irrational circuitry of attraction.

A New Direction

From now on, I’m specifying the focus of this journal.

Forthwith, this blog shall be a space for conjecture and musing on matters relating to gender, sex and seduction.

To protect the privacy of myself and those within my circle, I will keep the details of the authorship of this blog somewhat confidential. You can find me if you really want to.

Welcome, readers from aklair. I hope that you find value here.

To those who may find the content herein objectionable, or otherwise unsuited to your taste:  I am open to reasonable contrary opinion. I seek not to excercise mere hubris. Contribute, should you feel you have value to share.

Pornography and Feminists

As we all know, most feminists (god love ‘em) are opposed to pornography.

We also know that men masturbate. It’s a fact of life and nature. Admit it boys.

Masturbation is a pleasurable built-in function of physical sexual maturity. This is related to the fact that sexual pleasure is the engine that drives the continuation of our species.

Men are also the sex of our species that are more easily sexually excited by visual stimuli.

Whether that be a hint of cleavage, or the photographic reproduction of such.

Mass-marketed pornograpy fills a niche in the economy of male sexual need. It provides fodder for fantasy, and makes masturbation enjoyable.

Feminists seem to believe, if I gather correctly, that pornography has many qualities that make existance for women difficult, if not dangerous.

Supposing this to be true, I submit that men who consider themselves bound by civilised ethics renounce pornography the moment that feminists produce an equally, or more, satisfying alternative to porn.

It would have to have the same function: Visually stimulating material to enhance mens masturbatory pleasure.

The advantages of producing such an alternative (supposing feminist crituques of porno to be true), would be manifold. The world should become measurably safer for women. The feminist producers of such materials will have am instant and hungry audience to those who they most desire to communicate.

These hypothetical producers would be able to make a lot of money, and use it enrich both their own success, and that of their favoured organisations.

And, they would powerfully prove to men an important reassuring message:

that feminists are not scared by, or subconciously fighting a war against male sexual pleasure.

I believe that many mens ideas of feminism are based on the (hopefully) irrational fear that feminism is actually engaged, conciously or otherwise, in such a war. The existance of the feminist porn alternative would be a potent reassurance against such fear. The sisterhood would declare, once and for all, that they encourage men in their ability to sexually enjoy themselves.

I’ve always seen feminism as, among other things, a form of humanism. A struggle for a better world, where everyone can enjoy their full human potential. One message in the corpus femininica is that the oppression of women is a waste of human resources that holds the whole world back. Ergo, women should encourage men in their enjoyment of their own nature.

Inevitable questions arise.

What would this alternative to porn look like?

How could it fulfill the role of porn without being porn?

If porn really does make the world a worse place for women, could this alternative make the world a safer, better place for women?

Women Are Sexual Objects

Withhold judgment.

The title is not intended to shock. Thought is the only thing I wish to provoke here.

When women say that they want to be considered as more than mere sexual objects, they are saying something legitimate, yet coded. It is this:

Women are all unique indivuals, and as humans, require an environment in which they will not be personally judged on the basis of looks or percieved sexual value. As people, we all have a need to connect to others as human souls.

Furthermore, in order to be healthy adults, men need to have the psychological apparatus to connect with women in a fashion that is unjudgemental, compassionate and fully cognisant of individuality and humanity.

Sincere disclaimer now over.
The complete human animal, including its psychological needs, is bounded by the realities and wonders of the natural world.

We are products of natural selection, that is, environmental selective pressures.

We are also products of sexual selection. That is, the compition, within populations, for mates. Sexual selection is a major force in the evolution of humanity. On eof the dynamics of sexual selection, is that one sex, just about always females, are competed for, while the sex will compete for them.

Amongst the legacies of millinea of sexual selection are certain hard-wired settings in the human brain.

We cannot help but make instantaneous decisions about the possible sexual value of a person, upon the first few seconds of a first meeting. This applies to both men and women, although the criteria for those decisions is quiet different.

As men, it is unhealthy for us to be dishonest to ourselves about this process.

Women have been designed by nature, to be attractive to men. Of course there are further complexities to consider. But, such complexiteies do not make the previous statement any less true.

Certain hip-to-waist ratios, symettry in the body and face, vivacity and other measures of “sexual fitness” are attractive for a reason.

It does no good try and convince oursleve that we can ignore the reactions of our minds and bodies to these physical facts.

Women are designed by nature to sexually attract men. From the genes point of view then, women are sexual objects.

Of course, the same thing can be said about human sperm-carriers. But, the designation of men as sexual objects has never really been a philosophical issue.

Go, therefore, and be attracted to one another. Enjoy it. It is one of nature’s, or, if you prefer, Gods gifts to us. It is one of the delights of being human. Enjoy it this gift without shame.

Newness

Hello all.

Both of you.

After living at my old digs for about  years, or so, I’ve moved house.

I’m now flatting with, as-of-yet, pleasant seeming randoms, a block down from the Kingsland shops.

Things to do in Kingsland – free Salsa lessons on Wednesday nights, at The Kinglsand

Chillin’ at Roasted Addiqtion.

Whingin’ about the ant infestations in every damn kitchen in the ‘hood.

Men, Violence and Evolution

As you may know, one of my pastimes is reading about sex, gender and evolution.

I also like a good action movie.

Like all lovers of film, I’ve noted that movies in which violence is a significant part of the storytelling, have more appeal to men than to women.

More guys I know appreciate the artistic nuances of Robocop and Dawn of the Dead, than girls.

Men simply can better enjoy the vicarious action drama, those beautiful moments when the outcomes of the story rely on that fascinating  combination of character, risk and violence.
Incidently, whilst reading about qualities of manhood, I came across this idea from a psychologist therapist:

“Men enjoy fantasising about defending themselves with the employment of force”.

It occours to me that there could be good evolutionary reason for the fact that men are more likely than women to fantasise about using violence.

Sperm is cheap. It costs less than an egg to produce. And, there is, in any given mixed population of human, a great deal more sperm than eggs.

Furthermore, you only need so much sperm to fertilise very many women.

For these, and other reasons, from the point of view of the species as a whole, men can be seen as more disposable than women in any given population.

It might be good evolutionary strategy to make the the disposable sperm-carriers more able and inclined to reflexively and swiftly be able for combat, whilst the precious egg-carriers are more inclined to, in the presence of threat and disposable sperm-carrying combat drones, emit distress signals and duck for cover.

Take a not entirelty improbable prehistoric scenario.

A hungry big oversized male predator – say a sabre-toothed tiger, attacks a cave occupied by humans. Upon noticing the threat, the women shriek and run. Combat worthy males, probably equally terrified, grab whatever weapons they can, and face the threat.

Whatever the outcome of combat, as long as there is at least one male of breeding age left, and other factors being equal, the population can continue to generate.

Should there be only one breeding female left, the population can still generate, but at a much slower rate, and with less certainty.

Also, every birth brings with it a chance of the mothers death. So, the lower the egg-producing component of a population below a certain threshold, the more fragile it is.

So, it seems to be good evolutionary strategy, within a population of egg and sperm reliant generators, to make the sperm producers more inclined towards violent action then the egg-producers.

And, perhaps the same brain-circuitry that prompts us to take on stone-age oversized predators, and wrestle in the school playground also prompts us to really dig that final knife-fight between Tommy Lee Jones and Benicio del Toro at the end of The Hunted.
Thats right. You heard it here first:

The reason why all you guys ( aka sperm-carrying combat drones) like Highlander better than your flygirls, is that sperm is cheap.

I’d be interested to know if any real scientists/psychologists have already come up with this idea. If any of you know, enlighten me.

Especially you, Suraya.

Hello world!

Hi all.

This is my first post of an online journal.

The aim of this journal is twofold: a personal record of my thoughts, ideas and inspirations. Well, those of which I feel fit to be exposed to the public eye, anyway.

Secondly, I want to keep my friends and family up to date with some of the things that are happening in my mind and my life. My network of friends is fairly geographically scattered, and about to become even more so. So, check on in here from time to time, and shed a tear for the beauty of my prose and fond memories of the loved homeland.